I’d Rather Skip This Part

This morning feels like fall.

The air is cool and crisp—the kind of Texas morning that makes you want to grab a cup of coffee, sit outside, and stay there awhile.

And today, I get to spend the day on the road.

Sounds pretty perfect, doesn’t it?

Well…

There’s just one little detail.

I am traveling to the radiation doctor. 😂

Today is my radiation treatment setup appointment.

And if we’re being completely honest…

I’d rather skip this part.

Haven’t We Done Enough Already?

There are parts of this cancer journey I’ve accepted surprisingly well.

Chemo?

Okay. Let’s do it.

Lose my hair?

Didn’t love that one, but I made bald work.

Surgery?

Let’s get this cancer out of me.

Bilateral mastectomy?

That was a big one.

Recovery?

One day at a time.

Clear margins?

Praise God.

And now…

Radiation.

This is the part of the journey where I find myself wanting to raise my hand and say,

“Excuse me…haven’t I done enough?”

Because sometimes you can be grateful for your doctors, grateful for treatment, grateful for healing…

and still be tired of being a patient.

I think that’s important to say out loud.

Gratitude Doesn’t Mean You Have to Like It

I’ve learned something through cancer.

You can be grateful and reluctant at the same time.

I can thank God for the medical team caring for me and still wish I didn’t have another appointment.

I can appreciate having treatment options and still not want radiation.

I can trust God and still have questions.

I can have faith and still say,

“Lord, I’d really rather skip this part.”

Faith doesn’t require pretending.

God already knows my heart.

He knows when I’m tired.

He knows when I’m nervous.

And He knows there are days when I’d rather be anywhere other than another doctor’s office.

So Today, I’m Choosing the Good

Here’s the thing.

I can’t change where I am going today.

But I can choose what I notice along the way.

It’s a beautiful fall morning.

I’m alive.

I’m healing.

My pathology showed clear margins.

And sitting beside me today are my dogs that I love.

So maybe today isn’t simply a trip to the radiation doctor.

Maybe it’s a day with new friends.

Maybe I’ll have some laughs in the car.

Maybe I’ll find somewhere good to eat.

Maybe I’ll talk about something that has absolutely nothing to do with cancer.

Maybe I’ll enjoy the cool weather.

Maybe I’ll look out the window and thank God that I’m here to see another fall.

Cancer doesn’t get to have the whole day.

I love that thought.

It may get an appointment on my calendar.

But it doesn’t get my entire day.

And it certainly doesn’t get all my joy.

I Don’t Want to Live Waiting for “After”

It’s easy to start thinking:

I’ll really live after chemo.

I’ll get back to normal after surgery.

I’ll make plans after radiation.

I’ll relax after treatment.

But I’m realizing something.

If I keep waiting for after, I might miss the life happening right now.

This morning matters.

This drive matters.

This day matters.

The laughter matters.

The ordinary moments matter.

This is my life, too.

Not just the life waiting for me when cancer treatment is over.

Take Heart

Jesus said:

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

— John 16:33

I’ve held onto those words throughout this journey.

Take heart doesn’t mean:

You’ll love every part.

It doesn’t mean:

You won’t get tired.

And apparently, it doesn’t mean:

Congratulations! You get to skip radiation. 😂

It means that even here…

I have hope.

So this morning, I’m putting on something cute.

I’m enjoying this crisp fall air.

I’m spending the day with Joy.

And yes…

I’m going to my radiation appointment.

Would I rather skip this part?

Absolutely.

But I refuse to skip the goal of radiation.

There is still so much life to live between the appointments.

So much laughter to have.

So many people to love.

So many ordinary mornings to appreciate.

And so many blooms still waiting to open.

Today is going to be a great day.

Not because radiation is part of it.

But because God is.

Keep blooming.

Keep believing.

Keep choosing joy.

And when you find yourself walking through a chapter you’d really rather skip…

Take heart. 🌹

— Missy